This is the hardest blog by far I’ve written. Ive been working on it for almost a month…typing, deleting, typing, editing, typing, staring over…lol…. Motherhood can be a tough subject, and I do worry about stepping on toes. Putting myself and opinions out there about fashion and beauty products is NOTHING compared to putting myself as a mom out there. People judge me by my looks and clothes, sure, but judging someones motherhood is a hard pill to swallow.
Nothing I’ve ever done in life has come close to preparing me for motherhood. There are days I am overcome with joy to the point of tears at how blessed I am to have two beautiful healthy children. But there are also days like today when I cry tears of stress and sadness because quite frankly they are driving me insane. I think to myself, how far is the nut ward and can I check myself in? KIDDING/not kidding. So for starters here are some things I wish I would have been told.
THINGS No one told me about MOTHERHOOD:
- You will move to the hood. The other day on Facebook, I saw a new mom I know post about her day with her infant daughter…the mother stated that “Motherhood” was the hardest “hood” she had ever been through. I think I might love her quote more than any other!! Lol, GAAAAHHHHHH its so true. Motherhood, is most defiantly its own type of hood. And I live there, err day. 😊
- Privacy. What in the world is that? No one ever told me that I might not ever go to the bathroom or take a bath by myself again. Like EVER. I can’t even take care of my monthly female needs without Bo saying “Mama, you got diarreah”? No, son. Thats NOT diarrhea. UGH 🤦🏼♀️
- Save money by staying home…Am I speaking english? I thought I would save some $$ by being a stay at home mom for the summer. Where did that saved money go?
- Babies cry, toddlers still cry, and mamas cry.
- Its ok to say all the things you are thinking but you think you can’t “allow” yourself to say outloud. Do NOT be afraid to be HONEST with others about what you are going through. Whether it be happy or sad. When you are pregnant, no one prepares you for the “bad” stuff. Why the crap not? Its apparently not “appropriate” to discuss the not so fun side of motherhood. Once I tried to tell a pregnant mom to enjoy the magic of being a new mom but to also prepare for the rough side. Someone kinda sneered at me for being “negative” towards her. I thought, Hell I’m not being negative, Im telling the truth. I wish someone would have said “Now Dollie, while this is going to be the most amazing, wonderful thing you have ever experienced….it’s also the hardest. When I had Ella I had it in my head that she was going to be this perfect child who ate, slept and pooped. Well, she was perfect but she ate, CRIED and pooped. ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes when people would ask me how it was going after I had her I would just look at them and stare… or cry. It was hard and I wasn’t prepared for it. Other mothers I was around would be all “rainbows and cotton candy”… they never talked about the struggles. WHY NOT? Lets talk about it people, the good and the bad. It helps us learn, grow stronger and be better.
- Some kids are strong willed. If you have one, ask someone to pray for you. All humor aside, really, ask a friend, a co worker or a pastor to pray for you. You will need it. (Michelle, I hope you are still praying for me…DAILY!)
- The love you feel for them is unexplainable. Its one of the most amazing things you experience. Thank you Jesus for that!!
So ABOUT those strong willed kids…I have one.
Rewind….Ella is 18 months old and SURPRISE, Im pregnant with my second child. God really knew what he was doing because if it were up to me I would have probably only had one child. Post pardom is hard. I overcame it by lots and lots of prayer. I didn’t want to go through that again, but here I was with #2 on the way.
I prayed and prayed for a blonde haired little boy that looked just like me and would be the biggest mama’s boy you had ever seen….well I got exactly what I asked for, and then some. He looks just like his mama, and loves me so much it hurts.
Bo was the baby I had envisioned in my dreams from the very beginning. He was the easiest thing and loved snuggling with his mama. I was on cloud 9. NO postpardum, Ella was the cutest thing with beautiful bouncing curls and LOADS of sass. I was smitten with my family. (still am by the way)
Fast forward… summer 2017. I work in education so I have part of the summer off. I decided this year to spend that time with my two kids… at home. In the past I have worked for parts of the summer so the kids have stayed in daycare. This year I thought I would save some money by staying home. Which reminds me, where is all that saved money???
Being a stay at home mom has got to be the hardest job in the world. “Be a stay at home mom”, they said, “it will be fun “, they said. Ha! Props to all the stay at home moms out there, you guys are the toughest things on the face of the earth. I don’t think that you get enough credit for what you do. YOU ARE AMAZING.
Raising a strong willed child….hmmm, I am almost at a loss for words. As I look back on my summer, I realize that I cried 3-4 days a week. Since I work in education, I’ve had several trainings on behavior and what not…sooooo why don’t those things work on your own child? lol. What am I doing wrong I thought? Well it has taken all summer to realize that I am not doing anything wrong at all. I am simply experiencing parenthood.
There are fits, spankings, timeouts, lots of boundaries tested, sleepless nights with tiny feet and hands that flail all over your bed, lots of coffee and wine drank, loads of tears (mine and his), and lots of days I’ve questioned myself as a parent. But there are also lots and lots of laughs, games of chase around the couch, a tickle monster that lives in moms hand, our bedtime routine gets longer and longer because “mama, I need to give you one more hug and sugar” just can not go ignored.
Moms, while these things are sometimes hard, these things are normal. this summer made me stronger emotionally and spiritually. God will never give you more than you can handle, this summer was testing my boundaries…but I overcame. (thank you Jesus) This summer has made me a better parent. Am I the best? Uh, no. But I am trying real hard and refuse to give up. I want to raise both of my kids to be kind, respectful and know the Lord. Chris laughs and says just wait until Ella hits puberty, then she and Bo will trade roles in who “tests mom more”. (insert eye roll emoji, lol) That might be another blog in the years to come. In the meantime, THANK YOU Jesus for giving me two wonderful children. Thank you for teaching me important lessons through them, even though some lessons are hard, it draws me closer to you. I love them so much it hurts, while I don’t always do it right, I get it done. The kids are still alive and breathing so I guess I must be doing something right.